The Longest Struggle of My Life

This is it. This has outbeaten anything I had done in life. I can't begin explaining how I feel right now... well, mainly because it is not much. There is so much uncertainty suffocating me right now, the only things constant are rejections and failures. If anything, my confidence is slashed so many times that what's left is a pathetic hope that miracle exists in real life.

I have learnt to accept. The first time it happened, I was rather surprised, upset even. Then after the next few times I properly sat down and reflected upon myself, my mistakes and improvements that needed to be done. The continuous failures led me to sink into despair, depression and desperation.

As time goes on however, energy is drained. They say 'work hard'. Hard work pays, IF you succeed; if you don't, you fall back to square one. They say 'keep trying'. How will you know if you are going closer towards your goal, or that you are merely going in circles?

Having said that, 'keep trying' is the only thing left I can do. As aspiration, dreams and excitement die off, it is replaced by a dull persistance.

Sometimes it reminds me of the time I was in my Primary school. The teacher returns the homework that we submitted, calling out names. Once your name is called, you can sit down and the rest that remain standing will get their punishments. I remember the anxiety I felt (which was silly because I knew perfectly well whether I handed in my work or not). Only this time, only a few names will be called and the whole affair takes a painfully long time.

Interestingly, if there is a 3 digit lottery, it is easier to strike a lottery than to secure a job. Let's do that instead.

Ok, I am off to buy a lottery number now.

Heng Yong's Biggest Day of his University Life (Presumably)

Well done Heng Yong! You deserve it =)

Third Year

They say time flies, for me... time rocketed pass me.

I am now a miserable third year student at Warwick. I remember when I first walked pass Tocil third year blocks thinking ," They were given the quieter zones on campus, hmm, it must be because they have to concentrate on their work/study everyday."

Turned out I was right.

Since I got back on to campus, I haven't stop being preoccupied with something. Everything. Everyday's a mad rush. Wake up, work, bed.

And I can't believe I still couldn't catch up with everything, even with all the effort.


Anyone has a time-stopper I can borrow?

Results are OUT

OMG OMG OMG

I passed! And possibly scraped a first?!

Economics for Strategy 72
Accounting in Context 62 Ya ya, Accounting loves u and u love accounting.
Issues in Management Accounting 76 I knew this went well :)
Financial Reporting 1 68
Financial Reporting 2 67
Finance 1 71 class test is my life saviour. Oh... and the amazing ability of pure logic
Finance 2 73
Foundations of Information System 64
Global Environment of Business 58 i thought I did REALLY good in this. What the...
Global Integrative Project 72 this group work result is a joke. Seriously.

Overall: 68.3%
Never have I been sooo glad I got a 60s result. Literally so happy I thanked every God I prayed to. Only my fellow Warwick friends appreciate that mark though. My happiness lasted until I went on to the JPA loan application website. 69% = CGPA 2.74????!!! WHAT? For a CGPA 3.0 onwards, you need to get 76 or more. Who gets 76% at Warwick?! If rumour is true that only 5 students get a first every year for Accounting and Finance, and a first is anything above 68%, then there's no hope for Warwick students to get any JPAs in Malaysia.

DUH

Pray for good weather tomorrow

Exams are over! OVER!
After the last paper, everything was... still a blur. During exam period, everything was dis-orientated because I was studying day in day out, without much thought on what to cook/eat, wear... anything but studying. Now, it's because there's so much stuff to do, events to attend that I am literally as tired as the exam marathon time. Ok, maybe not as stressed.

Celebrated end of exams at Varsity with the bunch of peeps. Then went home and started throwing stuffs away, revision notes, books, magazines etc. Went to London yesterday with Quennezy, Angeline and Jess. Watched ‘Transformers' (FYI, it's the one movie that is out in UK FIRST before anywhere else in the world. Cant help but to watch it just so it's our turn to say, 'hey look, transformers was awesome! have you seen it? No? Oh ya, it's not out yet in your country.' Man, we are cool. Haha. Overall, london trip was fun but it burnt a hole in my bank account.

Now going to bed to get ready for my Barcelona trip with Jenny, HengYong and Aaron. Barcelona baby, here we come! Hola!

I a m s o s c r e w e d

The Finance 1 exam is bad. Bad because there wasn't enough time to do the questions. Bad because, the lecturer mistimed the exam. Bad because, my brain was stucked today. Bad because I couldnt even calculate how many days are there in a year (and I need that for my pricing calculations). Whatever the reason. I completely fumbled the whole paper. 80% of the paper was guess work. Ironically, I got 100% for the class test. That's how bad that went. The last time I felt so bad after an exam was 5 years ago, Chemistry in form 4.

I got 6% for that test.

Anyway, the worst is yet to come. I have now tonight to revise for 2 papers tomorrow. I hate the undergraduate office for timatabling the exam so close to each other. Tonight, yet again, is going to be a long night...

Exam marathon

Today was an intensive day. Mainly because i was trying to cram last minute as much information as possible for 2 of the largest essay-based exam i have, which took placed, well, back-to-back. 2 hour exam. Each. Halfway through the second one, my hand hurts so much, my brain hurts from my attempt to squeeze out everything I remember, my stomach hurts because, well, because it completes the miserable picture of a girl trying desperately to trick the examinor to thinking that she had done her revision, just like most of everybody else in the exam hall. I am so glad the exam questions went my way again, where I got the questions i hope for. But doing them well was another question. The economic exam was unfortunately hugely disappointing. Mid sentence, i thought to myself, what the hell am I doing? but I carried on drawing random graphs to fill the sheets while trying to sort out my thoughts. 2 down and 5 to go. This is by far the worse ever timetable I have got since, well, since when they don't matter. 7 paper (constituting 70% of my whole year of education) in 5 days, including saturday. I have now decided to 'revise' my 'expectations' dowawards in hope of scaring a 2.1. F if I don't even get that.
God bless me.

Having said that, I am so happy this is not A levels. At least my life doesn't depend on it.